Random Thoughts: Anger

Some things are really hard to forget and get over with especially when you are angry.

I am still angry about it.


I am still angry at what they've done.


I don't think that I will get over what was done to me for eternity.


Damn them.

Congratulations to Efren Peñaflorida: CNN Hero of the Year

I'd like to give my congratulations to a fellow Caviteño who won the CNN Hero of the Year:






You make the Filipino proud and optimistic amidst all of the problems everyone is experiencing. :)

25 Random Facts about me that nobody wants to know but I am posting them anyway (reposted from Facebook)

1. I hate roaches. I hate roaches. I hate roaches. I hate roaches. I hate roaches. Did I already mention? I HATE ROACHES. I never kill them, but I run away from them. They are so icky.

2. I do not know how to ride a bike because nobody taught me how to do so. In connection to this, seeing people who know how to ride bikes really annoys me.

3. Whenever I am nervous or bored, my ears get cold. When they get cold, I like pinching them.*how weird is that*

4. I've worn my glasses since I was fourteen years old. My eyesight never got better after that.

5. When I was really young, I wanted to be an astronaut-scientist. I really don't know why.

6. I discovered that I want to be a writer when I plagiarized a piece of fiction from a comic book.

7. I have about 60 diaries to date. I started writing diaries when I was eight, and I stopped when I had my job at Atheneum. I moved on to writing blogs after that, but then, I never tell everything in my blog.

8. I loved Math (as in really loved it) when I was in high school. However, I didn't use my mathematical abilities when I was in college, so I got uninterested with the subject. I also hated the subject because of my annoyingly monstrous high school teacher. Damn her.

9. I have an account at perhaps every random social networking site available. The problem is, I only maintain about five of them. The rest is history.

10. I hate flirts as much as I hate roaches. The difference is that the way I deal with flirts is violent, and not passive, as in the way I deal with roaches.

11. My job at Atheneum is actually my third job since I graduated college. My first job is being a teacher for Koreans; second is being a researcher, and third is being a teacher at Atheneum.

12. My fourth job is being a writer at Essays.Ph.

13. I can speak in three languages (English, Filipino and Spanish, but not much Spanish) and one dialect (Chabacano)

14. I didn't know how to speak Filipino when I was young. I spoke Chabacano. I only learned how to speak Filipino through the show Batibot, and English through the show Sesame Street.

15. I have arthritis. Or so I think I have it.

16. I am afraid of shots. I am very afraid.

17. I haven't been hospitalized yet in my entire life, and I don't wish to be.

18. I planned to run away from home when I was five because my parents won't buy me a stuffed toy. How stupid is that?

19. I rarely watch local movies. If I do watch local movies, it should be an independent movie or a John Lloyd and Bea movie. hahaha. :))

20. The first thing I read in a broadsheet when I buy one is Entertainment and Comics sections.I hate reading the front page.

21. My course during college is Literature, but my first choice is Mass Communications (I shifted from that course) second is Psychology and third is Accountancy. :))

22. I love anything weird or unconventional, whether it's a thing, place, animal or person.

23. I own more than a hundred books and dvds. Most of them were bought in Recto when I was still in college.

24. I live with my grandmother and aunt since I was born. My mother and father live on a different house --- together. I am an only child. Weird.

25. I don't know how to whistle. No kidding.

Field Trip 2009

Do I even have to blog about this?


Perhaps a little. Only a little.

The annual field trip was held exactly a week ago. There were so many controversies here and there about the field trip, and the students courageously stood up for what they believe was right. However, after much speculations about the trip, the beloved administration did not provide any clarifications just yet. Yes, they presented the breakdown of expenses, but their answer did not satisfy any of the queries of the students. That's as far as I could tell you, because they may label me as an antagonist again.

I didn't like the field trip even one bit. In fact, it was probably the worst field trip I have been in simply because it was the most disorganized (and because of something else, but I won't mention it anyhow). My Neon kids and I boarded Bus 5 along with my former co-adviser and his Obsidian kids.

I'd rather not say much about the field trip. I'll just post some pictures instead. I'm not in the mood to write.

this guy is saying something about robots.

my boyfriend Astroboy.

something about a bear.

That is all.

Bye, McDo Noveleta

Mc Donald's Noveleta closed today. :(

Although I did not frequent Mc Do Noveleta as often as my students did, I will miss it. I have had some memories with that branch of McDo, especially one particular instance.

So, I'd see you tomorow in Mcdo. Let's go at 6:30pm.

You will be missed. :(

Arrgh.

Oh Brother...

Perhaps I need to emphasize the irony of things.

Let's say that you're deliberately trying to forget something, and you're doing pretty good at it. I always believe that adequate time should be given to a person who tries to forget everything that happened.



Well, that is not happening. OH BROTHER.

Fate really has a way of smiling sarcastically at you with his bare teeth.

Worst part is, Fate didn't even brush a bit.

The Chronicles of an Anti-Hero

Of all of the four years I've stayed in the institution that I am working for, I've never felt like I want to leave more than how I feel now. I have to repeat time and again that this is probably the worst school year for me and for everyone else. A lot of changes have happened to me, and I don't like any of these changes even one bit. The only consolation that I have is the fact that I am actually trying to help young minds develop their skills and talents. That's what I am thinking about. That's the reason why I am still having the strength to go to school. Other than that, if these kids are not around, I would like to abandon my work completely. I don't want to show up at work. There are a lot of bad vibes around. Evil spirits are constantly roaming around the halls of the damned institution like heck, and I don't think that I can take it any longer.

I cannot help but complain about these things. To tell you frankly, I don't want to complain. I am tired of complaining, especially with the thought that nothing is happening, anyway. Others submissively say yes to the commands of the strong, but I don't. I believe that it's another thing to be a complete sycophant, and it's another thing to fight for your principles. I have taken the righteous road, and I think I am being defeated. I hate it.

Something has happened this morning. I don't want to elaborate on it. What I can tell you about it is the fact that I never thought that it would happen. I never thought that it would be considered as a big deal. It was not a big deal for me, but I guess it was for them. Perhaps that was one of the things I decide to deal with upon choosing the road taken by a revolutionary. I wanted change so much, and stagnation is what I get. I advocate something righteous, but it is certainly not righteous in their own merit. I guess this is what someone has to face sometimes. I still want to fight for what I believe is righteous, but what if you would lose everything that you care for in the end, anyway? It is such a tough decision to make. In fact, I don't want to do anything about it anymore, but these freaks keep on bothering me. They keep on watching my every move. They keep on watching what would I do to them.

I am assuming the role of an antagonist. Problem is, I am not an antagonist. I am an anti-hero.

I can't take it anymore. :(

Quasi-Movie Review: 500 Days of Summer

I've always thought that I am not an ordinary girl. I don't usually wear skirts or high heels. I like wearing sneakers, jeans, and shirts. I don't like romantic movies that much. I always thought of them as corny because they always present love as something idealistic. Come on. Let's be realistic. Love does make you giddy, but it certainly does not make you smile all the time.

Perhaps that was one of the reasons why I like 500 Days of Summer. As it is said in the movie, the film is not a love story, but it's something very much connected to a love story. Thanks for Bettina for sharing the movie on Plurk. haha. :D





The story is presented in a non-linear narrative, which is oftentimes reminiscent of most independent films (which makes it more attractive for me to watch). The story revolves around Tom Hansen, who graduated with an Architecture degree but ended up writing for a greeting card company instead. There is certainly a reversal of roles in this particular movie. The stereotypical qualities of men and women are deconstructed --- Tom is someone who believes that he can never be happy unless he finds the woman that he's bound to spend his life with forever. His love interest, Summer Finn, on the other hand, believes in living the life for the moment. She does not believe in tying herself up to the idea of falling in love with just one person all throughout her life. The clash of their beliefs thus provides the driving point of their story.

The story begins as such: boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl and vice versa, but it has an extra twist. Tom is instantly smitten with the free-spirited Summer, but Summer does not seem to give the same arduous affection that she is given by Tom. Their relationship is very much characteristic of the Friendster - slash - Facebook relationship status: It's complicated. Summer admits that she is not in for anything serious, but Tom is. The complexity of their relationship and the uncertainty of whether they are boyfriend and girlfriend confuses Tom, but in the same manner, the mystery of their situation draws Tom more into Summer.

When Summer breaks up with Tom, his world crumbles down and he undergoes a deep depression, which is very familiar with men and women undergoing a break-up. He stays in his room only with some booze and junk food; he curls up in bed while feeling sorry for himself, and he abandons work. No matter what he does, he can never forget Summer. The worst thing was, she has already forgotten him. The movie shows Tom's expectation of finally finding 'the one' to the process of moving on from a break-up and eventually finding a new love. The last part of the movie is a satisfactory ending of that process of moving on.

This movie, is, by the way, a romantic comedy, if you don't know by now. Yes, I know that the plot is pretty much depressing: who would be happy for stories about break-ups, anyway? However, perhaps independent film movie goers would appreciate the fact that this movie has a very distinct quality which sets it apart from the annoying romantic comedies that mainstream movie goers are going gaga with --- it tells us the reality of breaking up. It tells us that love should not only be a fuzzy feeling. Love is not only something that you might want to connect with forever. It may also exist for the moment. Tom missed that point. He was always thinking of what may happen next with his relationship with Summer, but he forgets the fact that he is happy with her, and that's all that matters.

The style of the director, Mark Webb, is pretty much refreshing. Other critics might say that his style is a mix-match of the styles seen in other movies, but for me, it was pretty much convincing. I especially like the part when the director has presented the two sides of reality and expectation. Reality is indeed what we don't think of in the first place; we try to avoid reality because we often know that it would hurt us.

For those who haven't watched the movie, I urge you to do so, especially if you are not really into the romantic comedy genre where the boy and the girl usually end up together and living happily ever after. 500 Days of Summer had the courage to do away with this plot, which makes it even more interesting to watch than any of those Sarah Geronimo flicks.

The Power of Spontaneity

Exactly two months have passed.




I finally said it.



I am glad. I just don't know if it would be normal again.




But I do hope so. I've been in so many troubles now, and I don't think I can still handle them. :(

*sigh*

It's still not over. :(

Random Thoughts: On 2009

I am going to mark this year. 2009.

I really hate this year. This is an unfavorable year for me. Most of the things which are unfavorable for me have happened this freaking year of 2010.



I really want this phase to finish. I don't think that I can still manage to withstand everything. :(

A Terrible Remorse

If there is anything that I hate about a person, that is insensitivity. I have always thought that it is best to always be sensitive about the people around you because surely enough, you expect others to understand you as well, and not only you understanding them.

I was insensitive today. And I hate it, I really hate it. I hate the fact that I've always thought what to do before. I always made it a point to calculate every move that I do. I evaluate first the pros and cons of what I would do before doing something. Ask any of my friends who have known me for years and you'd probably receive tons of comments saying that I'm not a person who does things spontaneously. I always made it a point to think before I act. For all of the years of my life, I was cautious in doing every inch of everything, even to the point that it's even quite irrational.

That was what I missed doing today. And I was irrational by not doing that.

You may wonder what happened today that caused me to feel such a terrible remorse over what I did. I did something that hurt a good friend of mine. Worst thing is, I did it without even thinking of the reaction that might be given to what I've done. I guess that misconceptions are inevitable at some point. Have you ever had an instance when you teased a friend and you thought that person won't be mad at you, but what you thought was wrong? That was what happened. The worse part is, I am not a person who jokes often and yet, I cannot accept the fact that I actually did something like that. Good job, Darth. You ought to be put in a pedestal with the label, "Worst Douchebag Ever."

If there's something I learned today that I already know beforehand, but was not able to be fully aware of it before, it's this fact: no matter what you do to a person, whether it's something you think of as trivial or otherwise, that deed will affect that person in a way that you do not even know. That's why it's very important to be tactful by thinking first about what you're going to say or do.

Actually, I learned this months ago, but the difference is, I guess what I did before was not something which was offensive, but there was another problem.



But now, I blew it.

I am really sorry. :(

Random Thoughts: November 1 - 2 2009 + sometime in October, 2009

I am sick. I reckon that it's because of the cold, strong, rough winds of the typhoon Santi last Saturday. I was feeling fine last Saturday until the weather became really cold. I caught a terrible cold last Saturday plus I hate the fact that the power supply has not gotten back yet up to this date. You wonder how in the world I am able to blog, though? It's because of a super-duper long extension cord that my father came up with. Right now, my aunt, grandmother and I are mere parasites when it comes to electric supply. Ugh.

Anyway, about the electric supply, I called up Meralco for about five or six times, and all they could tell me is that they will have a follow-up about our complaint. It turned out that our neighbors, except for three, have all of their electric supply back to their houses at Saturday evening. The post where our line was supposed to be connected is freakin' broken, and I don't heck know when will our power supply be back.

That scenario adds up to my utter desperation.

Well, I am not really here to rant about the fact that Meralco has been treating us with severe apathy, because I have had enough of that. I'm just going to tell you what happened so far, although I know for a fact that this is not even a bit interesting for anyone of you.

October 29, 2009 - Thursday

We went to Joyce's debut. There's nothing much to talk about here since we went home early, and I was sitting with some folks I'd rather not sit with (OMG, here we go again)


October 30, 2009 - Friday

The particular events which happened during this day are all mentioned in the controversial Facebook note. If you are not my Facebook pal, then too bad. You will not be experiencing one of my worst rants ever. Well, I don't think that you want to experience it, anyway.

October 31, 2009 - Saturday
I am beginning to be sick, literally and figuratively.


November 1, 2009 - Sunday

Ah, finally, a concrete narration about something.

I finished the grades yesterday while using the power supply of my uncle. I admit that I am feeling a little bit awkward, though. I never would like to use other people's resources on my own, as much as possible. But I guess since the reality is that we do not have a power supply, I guess my uncle understands it anyway.

Yes, I have been sick since yesterday (but admittedly, I am more sick today, that's why my adrenalin is pushing my writing skills to the limits), but I still went to the cemetery to visit my grandfather, who passed away since I was several months old.

My grandfather's grave

On the way to Love Memorial, my aunt and I happened to ride the bus with an old friend (name withheld, for fear that he might search his name on the net). This person, whom we'll just call RJ (first name and last) was my classmate when I was still in Preperatory, in Secret Academy of the Magical and the Mysterious or more popularly (?) known as the oh-so-defunct Jimel Academy, where I studied during my elementary and high school years. One of my best friends, Irene, cannot remember him in any possible way. When I told her that I saw this guy, she was like, "Di ko talaga matandaan ang taong yun" while I, on the other hand, can vividly remember him like heck. Well, maybe it lies on the fact that he was my childhood crush. hahaha.

Well, anyway, yes, his mother talked to my aunt. He sat in the front seat of the bus while his mother sat behind us. His mother said, "Yan ba yung kaklase ni RJ noon," to which my aunt replied, "Yes." I didn't know that his family spoke Chabacano too until his mother spoke at us that afternoon.

That was the only conversation that happened. I didn't talk to him, because I am afraid that he does not remember me, or I might be labeled as, well, one of those girls whose descriptions I'd rather not be associated with (a coquette). However, seeing and meeting with a remnant of the past made memories flash in my mind again, like heck. For instance, would he remember how we played with Tootsie Roll and made it appear like poo? I don't think so. People forget the times they've spent with their childhood pals once they grow up. Only a few people remember, and what they remember remains just a fragment of the past. These fragments can never be whole. People remember them in one way or another, but they can never preserve a whole, concrete memory of the past.

Nakanang. Emo.

There was a huge traffic yesterday, as usual. We arrived at past five, and stayed there until about six, because I was already feeling terribly sick. As a form of entertainment, these vagrants performed a VERY ENTERTAINING AND EMOTIONAL dance which I captured on cam:

Yes, I exploited them. Forgive me.

Nothing much to look forward to when we came home, because there was still no power supply. This is terrible.


Will write again later, if my creativity permits me to.